I lost my virginity to the sound of Frank Turner’s 2018 alternative album titled “be more kind”. The idea of losing something that isn’t tangible really confused me. As the sounds of the number seven track “Brave Face” trickled through his terrible car speakers and I experienced the loss of my “purity (?)” I contemplated what that really meant. I did not feel the classic evangelical guilt I expected to fill me. There was no shame, or sadness or feeling of loss. I didn’t feel anything. Of course, it was good. Whole societies had been brought down due to human lustful desires. I understood that. But why would someone place so much pressure on one act to change a life entirely? It happened. And then it happened again. Did it mean I was different? Did it change me? Why would I allow one dick to change my entire identity? Nothing deserves to have that kind of power over me. I am still Elisabeth. I am still exactly the same as before. So why would the church think that a woman is so different after sex? What intense pressure to put on one act. How dare they? Honestly, the idea that one’s entity can change due to sex is such a patriarchal idea and I reject it.
But I definitely still listen to that album. It’s one of my favorites.